tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21256376890387389212024-03-13T01:02:31.447-04:00Healthy, Happy and SoberSober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-76414734767126248052015-05-26T23:21:00.001-04:002015-05-26T23:21:51.662-04:00Anti-Anxiety Medications<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/V7Rda2QBG7I" width="480"></iframe>Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-67957534552199119652009-02-24T12:06:00.003-05:002009-02-24T12:39:11.583-05:00Happy Sober Anniversary To Me!!It's been a year. Thank GOD it's over! Too much pressure. Now I can go on living this wonderful life. And I can now raise my hand proudly when asked at meetings "Everyone who is sober for more than a year, raise your hand." Picking up chips every three months is great, but towards the end, I just wanted that damned blue chip! hehehehe<br /><br />Anyway, I was thinking, last night, about what has changed in a year. Here goes:<br /><br />1. My stomach doesn't feel like I've been drinking acid. <br /><br />2. My brain doesn't feel like it's filled with muck.<br /> <br />3. I don't have to avoid phone calls from bill collectors (cos there aren't any)<br /><br />4. People respect me and my opinion cos it's not angry or pitiful.<br /><br />5. I'm sooo back in school, baby! Did I tell you I got my certificate for being on the Dean's List? So sweet!<br /><br />6. Interning at a rehab and helping people who are where I was before is so very rewarding. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up (if that ever happens!)<br /><br />7. I love being absolutely exhausted from being too busy with all that I do and not cos of yet another hangover. <br /><br />8. I have friends who actually care about me, and that I care about, now. I didn't before. I can see the difference. <br /><br />9. God (of my understanding) is with me in every breath I take and everything I do. I feel His love always and find comfort with that. One of the greatest things I learned in the rooms is that He always loves me and wants only the best for me. :o)<br /><br />10. After all of the graces that I've received in the last 365 days (who's counting?), I KNOW anything is possible cos I've seen it! It's not just a saying. <br />I wish I had written down all of the things that have happened in the last year, cos every day something, whether large or small, has hammered that phrase home to me. Whether it's getting into school or, when I had no idea whatsoever how I was gonna pay the rent and then, just enough but not more, it's come to me, weird things just keep happening! <br /><br />Case in point, I was backed up with school work this weekend so I called out of work. Worried about how I was gonna pay the rent, I get this email saying I didn't file my state taxes yet. I completely forgot! Anyway, I'm getting back $20 more than what I need to pay the rent. Freaky, I tells ya! <br /><br />Anyway, I'm gonna go get ready for the festivities. The ex is taking me out for some dead cow's prime rib. mmmmmm for now. When I, eventually, go vegetarian, I'll rail against such statements. But, for now, it's my damned anniversary and I want to harden my arteries, so tough patooties. :o) Then I get to pick up that aforementioned blue chip with all of my AA buddies cheering me on. God is truely Great!Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-14506270543556789452009-01-21T01:50:00.005-05:002009-01-21T01:55:51.579-05:00What A Day!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCiYRDaEzw0r7Iyi0VL9E2oMUS0vCFRZsaFqtdhYDZscU1QOqy3IkKj6SukmYwgTI1k4nt9DAXexpdenpLeDPI_SCBaPQlaWbAftNkjt6v2uZd4Zu4pN6Cdo9F8C2xYq6UeEn91B9CEM/s1600-h/obama.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCiYRDaEzw0r7Iyi0VL9E2oMUS0vCFRZsaFqtdhYDZscU1QOqy3IkKj6SukmYwgTI1k4nt9DAXexpdenpLeDPI_SCBaPQlaWbAftNkjt6v2uZd4Zu4pN6Cdo9F8C2xYq6UeEn91B9CEM/s200/obama.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293635990275260066" /></a><br /><br><br /><center> <span style="font-weight:bold;">AND</span></center><br><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1oO5oNWZUZ57AosmFUZhXEEUwiwc5_zQuOP7PfvAGLKQU_xwIYAYulhs-OfmRU9i4i-9qBpN8Zq8onRZUG3r972kJ0Pi9FqeD3GPPW8wrK7e4ZAah1cWy_6VeABwP08RBbiyqv9zUIfM/s1600-h/empyrean.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1oO5oNWZUZ57AosmFUZhXEEUwiwc5_zQuOP7PfvAGLKQU_xwIYAYulhs-OfmRU9i4i-9qBpN8Zq8onRZUG3r972kJ0Pi9FqeD3GPPW8wrK7e4ZAah1cWy_6VeABwP08RBbiyqv9zUIfM/s200/empyrean.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293636523599118450" /></a><br /><br>The Empyrean by John Frusciante (an absolutely amazing cd).Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-18936810601664865222009-01-10T00:08:00.002-05:002009-01-10T00:25:06.243-05:00Back To School...I was over at Syd's blog, checking his blog roll, when I noticed that it's been 5 days since I last posted. Shame on me!<br /><br />Yes, indeed, school is starting back up again (Thank GOD!). Seriously, everything I had planned on doing during this time off has not gotten done. All I've accomplished is the fine art of staying up till 5:30am on nights I don't have to work the next day, and then scrambling on the eve's before I do to get to sleep before midnight. I've smoked too much, exercised not, blogged not much and read nothing. Cool, huh? Accomplishing nothing isn't a bad thing. I've stayed clean and sober and that's all that matters. And I'm having a grand old time with life. <br /><br />Something weird happened today, tho. Things took a financially catastrophic turn for the horrible and? Not a bead of sweat. A few chuckles, but not a worry. I tell ya, if this had happened 11 months ago, when I was still using, wo ho ho! I would have decompensated into a shimmering puddle on the floor! But, in the grand scheme of things, what happened today is really nothing. It's money matters, which will always happen so what's to worry about? It'll work itself out. Life is great, isn't it? (This cold weather, on the other hand. Not so great. I miss the summer.)<br /><br />So, all in all, not much to say other than Yippee! at another 24 hours of sobriety! God is Great!<br /><br />(Only 10 more days until John Frusciante's The Empyrean CD comes out! I've heard samples and I'm excited beyond words!!!)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-23632949673190035092009-01-04T22:32:00.003-05:002009-01-04T23:00:57.253-05:00Bluetooth And Binaural BeatsSo, I had a crappy day at work and thought I deserved a new toy to play with. Hence the bluetooth ear thing to accompany my newish LG enV...<br /><br />The enV! I forgot to relay my enV story! Where is my mind?? I'm due for a new phone in April. I want to try different ones before I get it (I'm going with the Voyager. It lets me tap the screen with fake nails.) My niece got a new phone so I asked her for her old enV. Only problem is that it kept shutting off. So I bring it to Verizon and they say it needs the software upgraded. Fourty-five minutes later, they tell me they fried the phone. Ah well, no biggie. Getting upset wont fix it, so I dont bother. It wasn't intential. So, they gave me a new one, for which I've spent countless hours recoding videos and music so it will play on it. Having a 4gig micro sd card to fill, we're talking alot of hours. That and making my own ringtones.<br /><br />So, I got this bluetooth thing. Now, I've never liked them cos theres the brain cancer I'm sure I'll get from using it but, also, I don't like sounding like I'm on speaker-phone. But all reports point towards it being all good. Maybe I'm just deaf (maybe?? haha!) and I couldn't hear the person talking that had one of these on. Either way, maybe now I'll be able to tolerate being on the phone now that my hands are free to type while I talk.<br /><br />The other thing I got was new speakers for my laptop. Since I've filled my ipod up with vids and music and audiobooks, I'd like to be able to listen to it occasionally thru speakers and not those annoying earbuds (especially now that one ear is filled with said bluetooth thingy). More importantly (to me) is that I like to listen to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binaural_beats">Binaural Beats</a>. There are times that I enjoy relaxing deeply while staying awake. So, now I can listen to different kinds while laying down. So I put the old speakers in my bedroom, one on either side of the bed. Sweet!<br /><br />Speaking of sweet, school starts next week. Yippee! I have found, during this time off, that I really need structure. Otherwise I stay up until 6am on the computer, futzing. Or I get bored and spend money on new crap to occupy my brain. <br /><br />Anywho, off to play. Till next time...Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-66730373524120539892008-12-31T21:48:00.002-05:002008-12-31T21:55:10.841-05:00I'll Always Think Fondly Of 2008...... cos, after all the times that I tried to get sober, this was the year that I finally did it! And, theres school too. And happiness. And healthiness. And blogging.<br /><br />And I have God back in my life.<br /><br />I'm sorry alot of people are suffering because of the state of the economy. But, like I keep saying, it was about time that we got less dependent on money and more dependent on ourselves for fun, entertainment and overall mental good health.<br /><br />I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful 2009. Including me. :o)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-90482378729658450092008-12-29T00:03:00.002-05:002008-12-29T00:27:01.450-05:00Time For New Years ResolutionsSome people tell me to keep this simple but, really, I got clean and sober and back into school. What more do I really want out of life? Well, I'll tell ya:<br /><br />New Years Resolutions:<br /><br />1. Exercise and healthy eating - I've spent the last 10 months basking in the glory of meetings and school without getting my lazy butt into exercising while consuming massive quantities of soda and crap. Time to stop all that. I'm sluggish from too much caffeine and sugar. I'm terribly out of shape (and I'm 47, so I really feel that). So:<br /><ul><li>Quit soda and coffee.<br /></li><li>Get back into Ashtanga Yoga</li><li>Get back onto treadmill</li></ul>2. Work on quitting smoking - My dad died when he was 57 and my mom at 67. Bad eating, no exercise and smoking/drinking were the culprits. I've always been healthy minded, even when using, but those were half hearted attempts at best. Like a junkie who's afraid of being dope sick so they stay on the dope, I continue to smoke for fear of suffering the inconvenience of withdrawal. Well, it's time to mature up and get over it. I'm out of breath most of the time and have a cough I can't shake.<br /><br />3. Give up meat - Fish is ok (salmon, tuna, sardines, etc). My cholesterol is high. Nuff said. Veggies/fruit are the way to go.<br /><br />4. Work on my "program" in a less haphazard fashion.<br /><br />5. Strive for structure in my life - where there is none whatsoever. I sleep when I want, wake when I want, I live "on the fly" all the time. Hard to stick to the above mentioned plan, living like that. This should be as difficult as quitting smoking.<br /><br />Ok, there ya have it. My plan for 2009. Not so much to work on, hmmm? I've got the gym equipment, the yoga matt/dvd's/books, 2 weeks worth of nicotine replacement patches, lotsa fish and veggies in the freezer, meeting lists and calendars galore. All that's needed is motivation. We'll see how that goes. Till then, I'm finishing all the ice cream and cookies in the house. mmmm...Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-65630202163852976032008-12-25T12:03:00.002-05:002008-12-25T12:12:06.994-05:00Merry Christmas!What a wonder! I'm sober and the only hangover I have is from the massive quantities of caffeine I drink. Live is truely a wonder. <br /><br />I am grateful for:<br /><br />1. Having God back in my life<br />2. Ten months of sobriety (lawdy lawd, what a gift!)<br />3. Sober friends a person could only dream of having<br />4. My family, sober for the most part (found out my heroin addicted brother is on suboxone for the last year. Sweet! Baby steps...)<br />5. School (yippee!)<br />6. The food I'm gonna eat in a couple of hours (I'm running late, as usual)<br />7. The friends I've met thru this blog<br />8. Still having a job while most dont<br />9. My wonderful children<br />10. Another day above ground!<br /><br />You all have a wonderful day!Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-41195443755410086722008-12-23T00:59:00.002-05:002008-12-23T01:14:36.898-05:00And The Grades Are In...Firstly, I'm nearing being very sick of crocheting. I've just finally finished making a blanket for the hubby and two last gift ideas for the boys: scarves. I think I'm done for a while (as I plan on starting blankets for the boys). <br /><br />I decided to pop in a few vids to get me in the mood to hammer thru this crocheting. And what did I watch most of the day, you wonder? Well, after Jesus Christ Superstar and 5 hrs of Jesus of Nazareth to get me in the holiday/Jesus mood, I then watched 5 more hours of EC F'n W!! Hardcore wrestling is nothing without ECW, I tells ya! There is nothing like a cheesegrater across the forehead to make you feel you're alive, ya know? Excellent violence there. :o)<br /><br />And, you ask? So what are the grades? 4 A's, baby! My GPA is 4.0!!! No stress on keepin that up, huh? hahaha Freakin astounding, I tell ya. And I thought I was far too fried to get even a C. Lotsa pride, interspersed with a healthy dose of humility, I assure you. God is Great! <br /><br />Since I could never impress, with words, just how I'm feeling about this, I'll not try. Suffice it to say, I'm pleased. <br /><br />Another hour of hardcore ECW blood, gore and violence and then I'm off to beddy-bye. Sleep well all!Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-26135881440371490942008-12-19T06:44:00.004-05:002008-12-19T07:07:46.496-05:00Schools OutAhhhh I made it through my first semester. Yippee! That was fun! Now it's time to get back to some serious blog commenting. I've been shirking my duties for a while, for which I feel sufficient guilt. Hopefully, it's out of the lurking shadows and back into the commenting light. <br /><br />Hmmm... what's been going on. Not much, other than school, meetings and barely working. My job said if I stop with my classes and meetings, I can go back to full time. I'm not sure if asking me to give up my education and sobriety is legal or not, but when they fought my ability to get unemployment, I felt tempted to find out. I've just been too busy to start anything. That and I'm just not in a place, mentally, to fight anyone. I used to be, when I was using. A friend said that I was letting people walk all over me by not fighting back, but I don't see it that way. God has been providing for me since I got sober (and before that) so, if it's His will that I fight this, then I will. But I feel that this cut back is His way of my gently separating myself from something that used to be my entire life for 5 yrs. The deeper I get into school and the glory that is my sobriety, the less tolerance I have for my job and the petty crap that goes along with that. Ah well, no biggie. I can still pay my rent and still eat, so I'm not worried. <br /><br />I must comment about something that happened the other day. I watched television. The first time in 10 months. And, I've gotta tell ya, it was not good. I watched a Sesame Street special and some show called Life. Between the commercials and the way the shows were laid out, I felt like I'd been repeatedly slapped about the head with a heavy, wet, slimy fish (what's with me an fishies lately?). Well, needless to say, I wont be repeating that little experiment anytime soon. I saw that I've not missed anything by remaining tv free. I did notice that the idea of "the last time I did this, I was drinking" did pop into my head. Not a comfortable feeling. <br /><br />Anyway, I've got an hour before I have to show back up at (ugh) work. Until then, keep warm and try and drag your favorite set of lips over to the mistletoe. :o)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-8450040986359196132008-12-04T23:14:00.003-05:002008-12-04T23:25:35.614-05:00I Killed My Fish!:sob: I finally decided to clean the fish tank and change the filter unit, cos it had died. A half hour later, I see out of the corner of my eye something that looks like a little water balloon in the tank. It was the big silverfish, floating. Upon closer inspection I saw two other fish, dead, and two dying. I had to sit down and work up the courage to start taking the dead out. I just cannot relate how horrible that was. I'm not well with death on a good day. This was just so sudden. <br /><br />Of course, since I didn't feel bad enough, I thought I'd call my ex, the "dry" alkie, since they were his to begin with. I'm sure, now that I think of it, I could have called someone else who might have made me feel worse about it. Fortunately, a more insensitive bastard doesn't come to mind. He was nice enough to tell me several times just how much I ruined his night. <br /><br />I'm not sure what happened, but I'll just have to pick up (after this last poor fishie finally gives it up, poor guy)and scrub the tank clean and start all over again. I guess. I'm still leaning towards plastic plants instead of living creatures. <br /><br />Poor little fishies. :o(Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-44803096161885170452008-12-03T11:23:00.005-05:002008-12-03T11:36:08.970-05:00Who Ordered The Frost??Lawdy Lord! Twenty-six degrees out there this morning! Almost makes me think it's too cold to smoke outside! Nah, that's a lie. Never too cold to smoke at work. It's almost a necessity to smoke at work!<br /><br />Isn't life wonderful? I mean, really. I saw the sunrise this morning at work. It was just beautiful. It's a great day to be alive and sober, isn't it? Yes it is. <br /><br />The company Christmas party is this Sunday. Should be a hoot. Lots of food and hangin with the homies. Lots of prizes etc but I'm there for the food, thanks. I'm bringing my baby boy, who was my guest last year as well. The boy turns the big 20 on Saturday! He thinks he's having a blowout at his dad's house while his dad is at work but, hopefully, his dad will be home. Not my issue, though. <br /><br />While I wasn't thrilled about having my hours cut at work, I have easily fallen into the life of a part-timer here. I have things I want to do today so, of course, I'm getting my procrastination on and I'm here blogging instead of decorating. I'm gonna do it tho, decorate that is, as soon as I'm done here. I swear I am. And then study for finals.:o)<br /><br />Alright, alright, I guess I've gotta get started. I'm gonna dig out some holiday music and string dem lights. Yippee! ::or take a nap::<br /><br />See ya!Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-21035925624637989342008-11-24T15:42:00.003-05:002008-11-24T15:59:07.168-05:00Accident, Weirdness and Green ChipsOy Vey! Where Has the time gone??<br /><br />It's been a while since I've been in school. I forgot that the first couple of weeks are mellow, quickly followed by SLAM! Hoy! My head is spinning. But I'm still hangin on to my 95 average. By the tips of my fingers, but I'm still hangin on. <br /><br />Had an accident with the car. My poor sweet pimpmobile (Echo). Slammed it into a solid object, I did. And now I'm forsaking it for another (rental). Nice car (G6), but it's not my highly economical Earth friendly cruiser, so there'll be no replacing, hopefully. It had to happen, though, cos I paid my car off in October.<br /><br />Weirdness is when your ex-boyfriend from when you were 18, who has lived in Germany since that time, calls your ex-husband looking for you. So weird that said ex-husband has to come over to videotape your reaction just so he can spread said video to all my sisters for their enjoyment. Bastard! hahaha kidding. I just got off the phone again with the guy. Very weird/interesting. <br /><br />Guess who picked up a green chip today! Yup, it was me. So much pressure, when they say that "people rarely pick up a green chip" and mine is looming in the near future. But I maintained and got it! Yippee for me! :o)<br /><br />As for work, they made me a part-time employee without telling me. So, instead of 38 hrs I'm scheduled for 12 a week. Sweet! Wonder how I'm gonna pay rent/bills/the $500 deductible to get my car fixed/etc. But? If I were drinking/using, I'd be freakin. Now? Not sweating it one bit! I mean, really! Not even a drop of sweat. It is what it is and it'll all work out, somehow. If God wants me to be broker than broke, than broker than broke is what I'll be. Ah well. I woke up today and so did my kids. All else matters not to me. <br /><br />So, on that cheery note, I'm off to study for class tonite. Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night. :o)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-37430502251621337022008-11-06T22:41:00.002-05:002008-11-06T22:58:03.101-05:00:Sniffle: Positivity Abounds!Why is it, for all the time that I drank, I never got sick? And, now that I'm sober, I'm sick as a dog? Just curious. Maybe my body couldn't handle feeling like crap on top of crap? Whatever. <br /><br />So, I'm sick. Sniffley, sneezy, fever, aches, yada. Not as bad as a hangover, though. No feelings of letting myself down when I wake up sick, ya know?<br /><br />I just love the feelings of unity and possibility that seems to be hanging over humanity since the election. I just hate the rampant bigotry that is being voiced, too. That's too bad, but there is strength in unity, so I'll just ignore the negativity and continue to have hope for the future for all people. <br /><br />While I do write this blog for me, to record my random thoughts, I do want to thank those of you that posted your thoughts on my last post. You are all too kind and they helped me alot. :o)<br /><br />Went back to work today, which was good. I really can't have that much time to myself (see previous post). I need structure. Oh, and the state of retail is not good, so I'm very thankful to have a job. <br /><br />Snarfling off to beddy bye now.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-18381084158055915952008-11-03T22:10:00.002-05:002008-11-03T22:46:58.234-05:00And Then Depression Set In...Oy! And I was doing so well. <br /><br />I go to class tonite, where the topic was gonna be Opioids and I just panicked. Cold sweat, racing heart, mild depression, sick. I asked the teacher if that was the topic and if we were gonna watch a movie on it. He said yes. I told him I couldn't stay (he knows my situation). His eyes got wide and he said he was gonna do the lecture first and I just felt trapped and said I had to leave. He said he understood. I got to my car and felt like a spineless wimpy child. When will this ever end?!?!<br /><br />I told myself that I've only been clean and sober 8 months. I did just get my period. I've been cleaning like a mad-woman. My vacation is almost over. I've been at a dead run since school started in August. And, to top it all off, I had dental work today, so I had opiates on the brain (or, the lack thereof) since early this morning. <br /><br />I texted a friend who didn't get back to me. My sponsor is too busy and my new sponsor (cos the other one is so busy) doesn't know me that well and I didn't feel like explaining myself, so I called neither. <br /><br />I came home and read blogs (just to get out of my own head) and did my nails. My friend got back to me and told me to blog about it and to write a gratitude list, so here I am. I'm so afraid of sinking into depression that I'm sinking into depression. Argh! Mebbe it's the election tomorrow. Who knows. I know what it's not, tho. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Gratitude List:</span><br /><br />1. It's not a hangover that's causing this mood crap. <br /><br />2. If nothing else, I am free to vote for whomever I wish tomorrow without fear of retribution. God Love American Freedom!<br /><br />3. I have meetings all day, every day, to go to when I need to. <br /><br />4. I have many friends to call when I need them. (and some who won't stop texting me while I try to do what she told me to do.)<br /><br />5. I have my BB and Grapevines to read to help me make sense of what I'm feeling. <br /><br />6. My boys are healthy and safe. <br /><br />7. This will pass. And if it doesn't, I can get non-narcotic meds if need be. <br /><br />8. I didn't find it necessary (didn't even think of as a matter of fact) to drink or drug because of it. <br /><br />9. Because of this, I have the opportunity to see that I'm putting too much pressure on myself, and know that I have to work on that. Progress, NOT perfection. <br /><br />10. The election is over after tomorrow. YEAH!<br /><br />Ok, I feel somewhat better. I'm going to bed. Hopefully, things will be better tomorrow.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-52330653940815502312008-11-02T21:18:00.002-05:002008-11-02T21:28:46.141-05:00The Bedroom SwitchThis deserves a post of it's own, it's so ridiculous. Laugh at my expense please. <br /><br />Ok, so I rent a large two bedroom apartment. I had the master bedroom with the bathroom and the boy had the smaller bedroom with the bathroom in the hall. Since I booted the boy out to his dad's, I turned his room into a gym that I faintly felt guilty for never entering several times a day. So, fool that I am, I switched bedrooms today. Since I'll still be using the bathroom in my old room, I will now have to face my laziness everytime I have to shower/pee. Stellar thinking on my part, huh? Better would have been sticking the gym in my local FasMart, right next to the Dr. Pepper dispenser! hahahaha shit. I crack my self up sometimes! <br /><br />fun times :o)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-71106561234011740412008-11-02T20:43:00.002-05:002008-11-02T21:13:10.899-05:00Hair Update, etc.Is it the mayo? Is it the egg? Is it the rosemary water I make lovingly for the tresses? Or is it the Frizz-Ease hair serum? Oh, gimme a break here! I know I said "only natural", but my hair looks freakin fabulous, so don't even start with me. Yup, that's the combo to go with. Lovely tresses shall be yours, I swear. Bear in mind, (justifying statement) my hair before this was so unhealthy from the drugs/alcohol that it just looked dull and fried. Now it looks and feels just wonderful. I'm giddy!<br /><br />Took my second test in Intro to Drug Use. Got an 88. With the 104 prior, I'm at 96, test wise. It'll haveta do. :o) I'm over 95 in all my classes. Seriously, if someone would have told me 8 months ago "Look. Get off the crap and you'll be an A student before you're clean 9 months" I would have cried in disbelief. Pinch me!<br /><br />Hmmm... lets see. What else?<br /><br />Thank GOD the elections are in two days!!! This country needs a serious dose of "Get A Grip"!!! When did the email go out that anyone is entitled to insult and strongarm others into voting for their candidate? What the Hell?? My family are sending hateful emails to each other over this crap! It is no one's damned right to know who I'm voting for and I did not ask for unsolicited advice so stop giving it to me, thank you very much! Obama's black and McCain is old. There. No need to spend millions to get that point across again, k? Sheesh! grumblegrumblegrumble<br /><br />Ahem. Where was I? Hair... grades... <br /><br />Oh. hehehe I'm working on conning my twin to take a vacation with me next year, after I finish school. hahaha Europe? A cruise? Our dream of fishing for salmon in Alaska? Hell no! hahaha Wish me luck on getting ms. pampered to volunteer at a needle exchange program in Cali! I think it can work cos a) I've not gone on vacation in many, many years so I'll be playing on her excitement of my leaving the state and b) she wont have to spend alot of money. And I'll be sober, so tough shit, I get to pick. If we survive that, then we can go to Jerusalem to walk the path of Jesus, like she wants to do. <br /><br />Ok, fun times are over. Back to rearranging furniture. I've only run over and bloodied two toes. Eight more to go!<br /><br />I'll be back before the election, I swear.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-77382451794389658722008-10-22T22:46:00.005-04:002008-10-22T23:03:29.723-04:00Whatta Blast!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdmFMERhtHc7GCueJcr_MVsfTy6vzBnQ07wRb9Mo2G8xdeWbHApmoENkNtj1FOtTIRTepZ9vcst82P90emRxV3jf3WLJ3ht2WJPi3r5xPRCXIpqbHTpjxitQlfq0doF5w2YHuXLZk1Va4/s1600-h/102208_1455.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdmFMERhtHc7GCueJcr_MVsfTy6vzBnQ07wRb9Mo2G8xdeWbHApmoENkNtj1FOtTIRTepZ9vcst82P90emRxV3jf3WLJ3ht2WJPi3r5xPRCXIpqbHTpjxitQlfq0doF5w2YHuXLZk1Va4/s200/102208_1455.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260175491299597906" /></a><br /><br />Guess what I did today??? How'd you know? Yes, I got my fearful yet hopeful old butt on a scooter today! It was fabulous. A friend from the rooms spent the day with me, teaching me not only how to ride but how to conquer my old fears of getting killed on one of these beasts. I drove absolutely everywhere! On major roads even! Crazy stuff, kiddies. Crazy indeed. I'm still kinda fearful cos I'm not used to it but certainly not like I was this morning. <br /><br />In my quest to be riding and owning a motorcycle by next spring, another friend, whose bike I'll be buying, is gonna teach me how to ride that next. Glad I decided to do this in 40 degree weather. That wind whipping around was interesting. <br /><br />Oh, by the way, I finally finished that blanket I started on when I first got sober. Unfortunately, it was supposed to take me longer so I could wrap it across my knees at the meetings while I worked on it. I never was good at timing. Have a gander:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYqGSmfnlp8EENvqvPqRvWLg6ZfpLYdcQTEVD_J_S0Y_jUcJYuJ4J0zef6C2qcv2gRfYV_75mMaO5kaQOSJrpbCtdQG-VUC1pce11RNm8EEth7iNeeYK07pUUYcHeWtHJ58oDI7ThE6bk/s1600-h/blanket2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYqGSmfnlp8EENvqvPqRvWLg6ZfpLYdcQTEVD_J_S0Y_jUcJYuJ4J0zef6C2qcv2gRfYV_75mMaO5kaQOSJrpbCtdQG-VUC1pce11RNm8EEth7iNeeYK07pUUYcHeWtHJ58oDI7ThE6bk/s200/blanket2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260178390591288226" /></a><br /><br />Here's the pattern, so I don't forget:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAv4NTVHpbK3PogTaEfKIH67-HDfhreqiNxpq8HBPRNVZzUkzhgQOKFCD7YLp1wl-nO48dXFYCJK3Pvn1CkGTRsTuPVNg9qL8rQCf8pTow3iCmjzpYjCnpW7v_ka2MCiJEsnBjJKE7pa8/s1600-h/blanketside.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAv4NTVHpbK3PogTaEfKIH67-HDfhreqiNxpq8HBPRNVZzUkzhgQOKFCD7YLp1wl-nO48dXFYCJK3Pvn1CkGTRsTuPVNg9qL8rQCf8pTow3iCmjzpYjCnpW7v_ka2MCiJEsnBjJKE7pa8/s200/blanketside.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260179474551310162" /></a><br /><br /><br />Onward and ever upward.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-26810612885711269422008-10-20T17:12:00.003-04:002008-10-20T17:32:03.219-04:00I'm Going Natural......On my face and hair, that is. Try to follow me on this one. I just got a hair cut and it looks great. Only problem is that I'm over 40 which means my hair is not as thick as it used to be. And it's kinda stringy. Now, I've spent some quality money on hair products to make it look better, but, while it is shinier, it looks weighted down and kinda greasy and stringy. So, I'm going back 30 years (when I only used herbs instead of chemicals) and ditching the products, for the most part. <br /><br />I'm not going out and buying 10 lbs of soapwort to replace the shampoo. I'm just smothering my hair in mayo, egg and ground rosemary (if anyone is gutsy enough to try this and you're blond, use chamomile. Rosemary is for dark hair). Wrap head in plastic bag (head. not face.) Leave in at least an hour then rub shampoo in, add water, lather, rinse, repeat with the shampoo, then rinse with rosemary water (boil rosemary in water, let cool). <br /><br />For my face I ground some lavender, chamomile, rosehips and oatmeal (not the instant crap) and mixed in some pink clay (half French white clay/half Moroccan red clay). Add a little warm water, make a paste, slather on face and neck. Rinse off after 15 min. Add moisturizer. <br /><br />I'll let you know how it works after a week. I expect shiny hair and a glowing complexion. Or else! <br /><br />p.s.: Yes, I do have homework that I'm avoiding. Thanks for asking. :o)Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-5585771642527509652008-10-13T22:28:00.002-04:002008-10-13T22:41:32.763-04:00Procrastinating, yet again...Midterms tomorrow and what am I doing? You guessed it! Chillin on the net, reading blogs. Gah! Course (get ready for justifications), I did study today when I got home from work at 10am (after an hour and a half on the net). And (getting whiny now) I have been up since 4am and I just got home from class and it's 10:30pm and... nevermind. I'm getting up early in the AM to study. <br /><br />Tonites class was about Tobacco. Yes, two hours of discussing all things tobacco without a cigarette break anywhere in between. Someone has a sick, twisted sense of humor and it surely wasn't me. I nearly took flight right out the door by hour 1. :o)<br /><br />The DOW is up and gas prices are under $2.90. Life is good. Stream of consciousness much?<br /><br />Anywho, I'm off to bed. Gonna get some quality Grapevine time in, then hopefully I'll be snoring by midnight.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-62537622220215891962008-10-11T22:39:00.002-04:002008-10-11T23:04:35.609-04:00Completely Fed Up With Fear Mongers!Pardon this rant, but I've had enough with the incessant fear-mongering thats going on in this country!!! I want to know what in the hell the point is in making everyone so paranoid. People aren't broke, as evidenced by all the customers at the store and other stores in the neighborhood. Cheaper gas has everyone out on the roads, enjoying the great weather. Food stores have food on the shelves and people shopping there. Best Buy is doing a booming business down the street. Kids are hanging out at the malls and the movie theaters. The restaurants have customers. <br /><br />And yet, all I read on cnn.com, msnbc.com, etc. is how horrible everything is. That it's time to panic. The economy is falling apart. Yes, I understand how bad things are right now, but I also know that shacks selling for 250k had to end sometime, too. Huge gas guzzling vehicles, mega vacations on maxed out credit cards and over-priced homes had to stop. Maybe I'm being naive but isn't it time we all learn to appreciate what we have and stop trying to over do it with money we didn't have to begin with? <br /><br />Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that losing half your 401k or savings or being foreclosed upon is not a big deal. It is. I understand that. I'm just saying that if you're worried about the economy, that's ok. It just seems to me that the media is making it worse. I want to know what's going on. I don't want to read people's opinions on when I should panic, tis all. Just give me the facts. I'll plan my own nervous breakdown, thank you very much. <br /><br />Please, don't anyone slam me over this post. I know people who've lost money, too. This is just my humble opinion. <br /><br />rant overSober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-44519101596787330322008-10-06T09:36:00.003-04:002008-10-06T09:52:36.936-04:00Another Beautiful Day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUPZ9uPxubM7o2WyjqWtB_NyVeSWgkCoLHwKoW2ZcG-uTRjy4yJOF5HTAD_L43fYX40a0qHtAe_3eSXNnbLamqNmycoxHRK0ZY3Aa5vrZMV-TzGl6hZXD48bU0xNsHoaOE8eXfLNFAnE/s1600-h/cat12.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqUPZ9uPxubM7o2WyjqWtB_NyVeSWgkCoLHwKoW2ZcG-uTRjy4yJOF5HTAD_L43fYX40a0qHtAe_3eSXNnbLamqNmycoxHRK0ZY3Aa5vrZMV-TzGl6hZXD48bU0xNsHoaOE8eXfLNFAnE/s200/cat12.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254038425430118850" /></a><br />Isn't it just beautiful out today? Crisp, clean air. Bright sunny skies. I just wanna give a huge, wet, sloppy kiss to this time of year. I feel somewhat alive and full of things I wanna do. Like:<br /><br />I'm working on quitting my massive quantity of soda today. I'm tired of being sluggish till I get my morning coffee, only to crash mid-day till I get my soda on at night. Then I never feel rested cos I'm moving a mile a minute while I sleep. So, I'm buying a liter bottle of water at Fasmart (instead of my soda for breakfast. I'm off today so I'd skip the coffee and head straight into the double gulp) and I plan to drink at least two of those today. All in preparation for quitting cigs at the end of the month.<br /><br />Here's the plan, as it pertains to weight gain, on quitting smoking. Each double gulp has 600 calories and 60 grams of sugar. I drink 2 a day. So, if I eat more food in place of smoking, I can eat 1200 calories and not 120 grams of sugar and be ok, yes? I'm gonna stock up on shoestring carrots, cans of baby corn, celery and fruit. Lots of quinoa and brown rice with veggies for main meals and maybe, just maybe, I'll start exercising again. There. I have a plan. Eight months of sobriety is long enough to be wallowing in chocolate, soda and laziness.<br /><br />So, back to this beautiful day. Gonna hit a meeting and then it's off to a Civil War sight to just walk under the trees and listen to the silence. Did I mention that I love the fall weather? Then my beloved school, homework and just chillin. Yippee for days off from work!Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-34506040386759350852008-10-04T22:05:00.003-04:002008-10-04T22:28:51.273-04:00God Plays MatchmakerSo, I was working on Friday and these two women were looking at these huge pots of mums. I see there's a cartoony type thing on one of the women's shirts and I see the word "recovery". So I get closer to her and then I ask her where she got the shirt. Long story short, she and her CA group made it. She's from Indiana visiting her sister and by the way, did I know of any CA groups in the area. The one CA meeting here follows some kind of use management type thing, where you can manage your using or some such you know what. But I told her about the meeting I was going to that night, yada yada we had a ball! I got all the women to put their names and numbers in the meeting booklet for her and now she has a meeting list for her vacation! Isn't that sweet? Then, work being work, I really didn't wanna go to the meeting last night but I had told her I was gonna so I went. Which was great cos this kid who keeps doing the doorway dance happened to be there. It was great to see him, if only to see that he was still amongst the living. He didn't pick up a white chip, so I guess he's not done yet. Ah well. I'm glad that she prayed for help from God and I was there to help her. Mind blowing to me cos I prayed that same prayer over 7 months ago and my answer came out of a stall in the bathroom where I work (my first sponsor). Only God could keep track of all of these lines of communications.<br /><br />So, I go to the meeting tonite early, as I usually do, to help set up. Instead of waiting for the woman who normally sets up to get started, I started without her, which is a good thing cos she never showed up. Then some poor kid was at the meeting and boy did I feel bad for him. He told my story indeed! What a mess he was. The meeting was packed, as usual, and everyone that shared did their best to show him that we all really were where he is now. Lots of good fellowship there tonite. I hope he gets it.<br /><br />Hmm.. what else. I was gonna work 15 hrs today, since I'm broke, but I just had this feeling that I needed to be at that meeting and that my priorities were getting screwed up if I was choosing money (tho I need it) over fellowship (need that more). Just God tapping on the old grey matter, yet again, and sending me where I need to be. How He has time for you all when he's so focussed on me is a wonder. :o)<br /><br />K, gotta sleep. Opening tomorrow so I can do the homework, that I've had no time to do, tomorrow afternoon.Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-89471454254973258702008-10-01T22:49:00.002-04:002008-10-01T23:03:31.986-04:00The Country Is Up In ArmsOy! The Senate passed the bailout and folks are not happy. I'm not an economics major so I'm not gonna comment on whether it's good or bad. That and, believing everyone is entitled to an opinion, I'm not gonna waste my time trying to force mine on anyone. But I've been reading people's comments about this on Cnn.com, Msnbc.com and my personal favorite, PerezHilton.com and there are some angry mofo's in the hizzous tonite!<br /><br />Now, in my newfound sober state, I'm learning to embrace my apathy. I'm hard pressed to come up with one single battle thats worth fighting for me. I've fought alot of 'em in the last few years (real or imagined) and I'm over-done. The powers that be will do or not do what they will, whether I like it or not, so there's no point, for me, to stroke out over any of it. I'm the impartial third party, watching from the sidelines.<br /><br />Hmmm... I have an interview paper to do. Mebbe I'll interview two people with... nah, nevermind. Too much stress from both sides.<br /><br />Anyway, as I was saying, I think, since there's nothing I can do about what's going on, I guess I'll just enjoy the raw emotions of "the people". Kinda wish my credit cards weren't maxed out, should an uprising happen and I need to trot to Switzerland or something. I'm just saying.<br /><br />Happy trailsSober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2125637689038738921.post-87738099994477275652008-09-29T23:00:00.002-04:002008-09-29T23:09:04.197-04:00I Got 104 On My TEST!!!Lordy Lord!!<br /><br />"<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">Your paper showed much evidence of hard work, great study habits and application of lectures and subject matter. It was absolutely a joy to grade.......Your definition of drug met all the critera for a drug....... I know you understand the definition..... now for the news.....you are waiting for..........Score: 100 + 4 Bonus points...= 104 !!! Congratulations... and keep up the good work.. I appreciate your contributions to the class..."</span> <div dir="ltr"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;"><br />Holy Holy Holy CRAP!!! I did NOT fry every cell in my pretty little head! I am never ever getting to sleep tonite. Unfortunately, every last slacker I know is asleep so I can't gloat.<br /><br />I'm back. Just woke up my ex who's in NY with the kids. He was happy.<br /><br />I love me :o)<br /></span></div>Sober Thttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12340632102386917791noreply@blogger.com5