I Am Thankful

My ex wanted to take me out to lunch today. Embracing my poor student status, I said yes. Went to lunch, then he said to sit in his car with him, he had to tell me something. Ut oh!

Seems "the boy" has to go to court on Tuesday for misdemeanor trespassing. This happened two weeks ago, I think he said. Which means I've been riding with the boy for two weeks back and forth to school and he never said anything. Seems he was too afraid of my reaction to tell me. Wise of him. Now I understand why he's been sick for the last week.

Now, six months ago I would have freaked!! Not today tho. I'm actually happy about it. Maybe this is what he needs to set him on the straight and narrow. Ex said the cops thought he was on something cos he was shaking so bad. Good! I'm not sure if I'm gonna miss class to go to court. I told the boy to never make me have to go to court for him cos it devastated me when I had to go for his brother 4 yrs ago (long story, but that scared my eldest onto the straight and narrow, except for the driving under the influence that he does).

I called the boy and asked how he was feeling. He said still kinda sick. I said what about the nervous breakdown he was having. He said "what??" I asked if he had nice clothes to wear for court. He said yeah. I told him "you know, I do love you" he said "I know" and I said "I am gonna kick your ass". He said "I know".

My mother used to say "You're only as happy as your most miserable child" (I think Erma Bombeck said it first). That's not true, tho, I am happier than my most miserable child cos, I know now, I have no control over this. God does and that's not me. I'll be concerned, but not freaking out (hopefully). But I didn't teach him to do something stupid like this. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Gratitude List:

1. Sobriety - I can show up for court and not be hungover or crazy emotional.

2. Serenity - I don't have to fall apart over this. And then try to drink it away.

3. I have AA in my life - I'll share about this tonite and hopefully someone newer to AA than I will see that you CAN handle life clean and sober.

4. Most importantly, I have a God of my understanding watching over me and my boys. Which is handy, trust me. :o)

Oh, and, Hannah was a letdown. The rain and the wind were ok tho. I got to sit at the register in Outside Garden in the rain and do my reading for school. That was very peaceful!

Second Day of School

::zzzzzzzzzzzzzz::

Oh! I'm up (no I'm not). Ok, for $100 a book per class, someone should carry them for me. It's like carrying a 12 yr old up hill for 5 hours. I'm old. :o)

My teacher for Addiction and Prevention class (and Substance Abuse Counseling right after, tho across campus):

1. Loves to hear himself talk
2. Thinks people in recovery are wrong when they say that only another addict/alcoholic/whatever can help you. Hmmm... (glad I told him I'm in recovery!)
3. Loves to keep you past the time when class is over. Lucky for me, I have to drive across Richmond to get to a class after his.

I do love being in school, tho. There's alot of reading to do, which is great with me. I told my job I'm only working Fri/Sat/Sun cos I want to dedicate Wed to nothing but studying. I'm not going to a meeting either. Just gonna fester in my jammies all day and study (and eat and smoke).

I'm not so sure that the boy (what I call my youngest son) is as into the studying as I am. And, while I have gone to 20 hrs at work a week, I'm using twice as much gas, the boy smokes my cigs and needs to be fed and watered while we're at school. Hmmm... We're gonna have to get in touch with our inner "starving college student" soon. Well, that's one way to lose that extra 20 lbs I can't afford to lose! But, the college cops were giving away free coffee and donuts this morning, so the boy and I got a second bfast while we smoked. Way to promote a stereo type tho. Cops? Donuts and coffee? Nevermind. :o) It's nice to see the boy hangin with his friends at school. And we don't sit together in English Composition class, which is cool.

So, second day/all is still duckey here. I'm gonna hammer into some of my papers that are due next month, so I don't have to worry about it. Then off to a meeting! And maybe a nap sometime before midnight?

Yippeeee!!!!

YYEESSSS!!! The pimp-mobile passed inspection! That was, at least, $800 I didn't have to spend in repairs, which is good, cos I didn't have that kind of money anyway. Whoo! Whatta load off the squishy grey-matter! Ahhhhhhhh

Anyway, two stresses down, one to go (work). Or, actually, I've got a new stress. My youngest son, who only works pt, plays ps3 all day, is a slob and brings god knows who home to my ex-husbands house, is in trouble. My ex (who never likes to spare me the stressful shit that goes on in his life) told him (actually, as usual, doesn't discuss but brawls verbally) that he had to get out in a week. Son told him if that happened, he'd break in and trash ex's stuff. Hmmm... I'll be calling the boy, explain what making a threat means, legally, and tell him that I'm cutting him out of my life till he gets a ft job and his own place. It's always he said/he said with those two tho. What fun! Thank God I'm not pmsing!

I shared about the job thing at a meeting last night. All I can do tho is pray on it and leave it for God to take care of. Just like the ticket, just like the car inspection. Just like probs with my kids. I have no control. Life is so much easier when I just remember that.

Taking a meeting to a womans rehab tonite. Should be fun to look in that mirror of suffering to remind me of how far I've come. Thank God!