It's been a year. Thank GOD it's over! Too much pressure. Now I can go on living this wonderful life. And I can now raise my hand proudly when asked at meetings "Everyone who is sober for more than a year, raise your hand." Picking up chips every three months is great, but towards the end, I just wanted that damned blue chip! hehehehe
Anyway, I was thinking, last night, about what has changed in a year. Here goes:
1. My stomach doesn't feel like I've been drinking acid.
2. My brain doesn't feel like it's filled with muck.
3. I don't have to avoid phone calls from bill collectors (cos there aren't any)
4. People respect me and my opinion cos it's not angry or pitiful.
5. I'm sooo back in school, baby! Did I tell you I got my certificate for being on the Dean's List? So sweet!
6. Interning at a rehab and helping people who are where I was before is so very rewarding. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up (if that ever happens!)
7. I love being absolutely exhausted from being too busy with all that I do and not cos of yet another hangover.
8. I have friends who actually care about me, and that I care about, now. I didn't before. I can see the difference.
9. God (of my understanding) is with me in every breath I take and everything I do. I feel His love always and find comfort with that. One of the greatest things I learned in the rooms is that He always loves me and wants only the best for me. :o)
10. After all of the graces that I've received in the last 365 days (who's counting?), I KNOW anything is possible cos I've seen it! It's not just a saying. I wish I had written down all of the things that have happened in the last year, cos every day something, whether large or small, has hammered that phrase home to me. Whether it's getting into school or, when I had no idea whatsoever how I was gonna pay the rent and then, just enough but not more, it's come to me, weird things just keep happening!
Case in point, I was backed up with school work this weekend so I called out of work. Worried about how I was gonna pay the rent, I get this email saying I didn't file my state taxes yet. I completely forgot! Anyway, I'm getting back $20 more than what I need to pay the rent. Freaky, I tells ya!
Anyway, I'm gonna go get ready for the festivities. The ex is taking me out for some dead cow's prime rib. mmmmmm for now. When I, eventually, go vegetarian, I'll rail against such statements. But, for now, it's my damned anniversary and I want to harden my arteries, so tough patooties. :o) Then I get to pick up that aforementioned blue chip with all of my AA buddies cheering me on. God is truely Great!
I was over at Syd's blog, checking his blog roll, when I noticed that it's been 5 days since I last posted. Shame on me!
Yes, indeed, school is starting back up again (Thank GOD!). Seriously, everything I had planned on doing during this time off has not gotten done. All I've accomplished is the fine art of staying up till 5:30am on nights I don't have to work the next day, and then scrambling on the eve's before I do to get to sleep before midnight. I've smoked too much, exercised not, blogged not much and read nothing. Cool, huh? Accomplishing nothing isn't a bad thing. I've stayed clean and sober and that's all that matters. And I'm having a grand old time with life.
Something weird happened today, tho. Things took a financially catastrophic turn for the horrible and? Not a bead of sweat. A few chuckles, but not a worry. I tell ya, if this had happened 11 months ago, when I was still using, wo ho ho! I would have decompensated into a shimmering puddle on the floor! But, in the grand scheme of things, what happened today is really nothing. It's money matters, which will always happen so what's to worry about? It'll work itself out. Life is great, isn't it? (This cold weather, on the other hand. Not so great. I miss the summer.)
So, all in all, not much to say other than Yippee! at another 24 hours of sobriety! God is Great!
(Only 10 more days until John Frusciante's The Empyrean CD comes out! I've heard samples and I'm excited beyond words!!!)
So, I had a crappy day at work and thought I deserved a new toy to play with. Hence the bluetooth ear thing to accompany my newish LG enV...
The enV! I forgot to relay my enV story! Where is my mind?? I'm due for a new phone in April. I want to try different ones before I get it (I'm going with the Voyager. It lets me tap the screen with fake nails.) My niece got a new phone so I asked her for her old enV. Only problem is that it kept shutting off. So I bring it to Verizon and they say it needs the software upgraded. Fourty-five minutes later, they tell me they fried the phone. Ah well, no biggie. Getting upset wont fix it, so I dont bother. It wasn't intential. So, they gave me a new one, for which I've spent countless hours recoding videos and music so it will play on it. Having a 4gig micro sd card to fill, we're talking alot of hours. That and making my own ringtones.
So, I got this bluetooth thing. Now, I've never liked them cos theres the brain cancer I'm sure I'll get from using it but, also, I don't like sounding like I'm on speaker-phone. But all reports point towards it being all good. Maybe I'm just deaf (maybe?? haha!) and I couldn't hear the person talking that had one of these on. Either way, maybe now I'll be able to tolerate being on the phone now that my hands are free to type while I talk.
The other thing I got was new speakers for my laptop. Since I've filled my ipod up with vids and music and audiobooks, I'd like to be able to listen to it occasionally thru speakers and not those annoying earbuds (especially now that one ear is filled with said bluetooth thingy). More importantly (to me) is that I like to listen to Binaural Beats. There are times that I enjoy relaxing deeply while staying awake. So, now I can listen to different kinds while laying down. So I put the old speakers in my bedroom, one on either side of the bed. Sweet!
Speaking of sweet, school starts next week. Yippee! I have found, during this time off, that I really need structure. Otherwise I stay up until 6am on the computer, futzing. Or I get bored and spend money on new crap to occupy my brain.
... cos, after all the times that I tried to get sober, this was the year that I finally did it! And, theres school too. And happiness. And healthiness. And blogging.
And I have God back in my life.
I'm sorry alot of people are suffering because of the state of the economy. But, like I keep saying, it was about time that we got less dependent on money and more dependent on ourselves for fun, entertainment and overall mental good health.
I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful 2009. Including me. :o)
Some people tell me to keep this simple but, really, I got clean and sober and back into school. What more do I really want out of life? Well, I'll tell ya:
New Years Resolutions:
1. Exercise and healthy eating - I've spent the last 10 months basking in the glory of meetings and school without getting my lazy butt into exercising while consuming massive quantities of soda and crap. Time to stop all that. I'm sluggish from too much caffeine and sugar. I'm terribly out of shape (and I'm 47, so I really feel that). So:
Quit soda and coffee.
Get back into Ashtanga Yoga
Get back onto treadmill
2. Work on quitting smoking - My dad died when he was 57 and my mom at 67. Bad eating, no exercise and smoking/drinking were the culprits. I've always been healthy minded, even when using, but those were half hearted attempts at best. Like a junkie who's afraid of being dope sick so they stay on the dope, I continue to smoke for fear of suffering the inconvenience of withdrawal. Well, it's time to mature up and get over it. I'm out of breath most of the time and have a cough I can't shake.
3. Give up meat - Fish is ok (salmon, tuna, sardines, etc). My cholesterol is high. Nuff said. Veggies/fruit are the way to go.
4. Work on my "program" in a less haphazard fashion.
5. Strive for structure in my life - where there is none whatsoever. I sleep when I want, wake when I want, I live "on the fly" all the time. Hard to stick to the above mentioned plan, living like that. This should be as difficult as quitting smoking.
Ok, there ya have it. My plan for 2009. Not so much to work on, hmmm? I've got the gym equipment, the yoga matt/dvd's/books, 2 weeks worth of nicotine replacement patches, lotsa fish and veggies in the freezer, meeting lists and calendars galore. All that's needed is motivation. We'll see how that goes. Till then, I'm finishing all the ice cream and cookies in the house. mmmm...