Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Oh Yeah... The Finches

Well, the hyper little shits... uh... I mean fuzzy little darlings, are gone. No, I did not shove a toothpick up their asses and char them over the heat of my cigarette. My ex expressed an undying love for the little critters that squawk (incessantly, I might add!) in exchange for his 10 gallon tank of zen like sounds of flowing water. With occupants, of course. "Did I mention Zen-like sounds?" he adds over and over. (I'm a TIBETAN Buddhist, mind you. Not Zen. whatever...)

So, the trade was made. Now I get to fatten up the new bundles of joy (for the frying pan. No?). Such outpouring of unconditional love I've never known. hohum.

Did I mention they're poop-monsters? I'm more than willing to toss one into an envelope and ship to anyone out in internet space. Just tell me where to send it. hehehehehe

Kidding :o)


YYEESSSS!!! The pimp-mobile passed inspection! That was, at least, $800 I didn't have to spend in repairs, which is good, cos I didn't have that kind of money anyway. Whoo! Whatta load off the squishy grey-matter! Ahhhhhhhh

Anyway, two stresses down, one to go (work). Or, actually, I've got a new stress. My youngest son, who only works pt, plays ps3 all day, is a slob and brings god knows who home to my ex-husbands house, is in trouble. My ex (who never likes to spare me the stressful shit that goes on in his life) told him (actually, as usual, doesn't discuss but brawls verbally) that he had to get out in a week. Son told him if that happened, he'd break in and trash ex's stuff. Hmmm... I'll be calling the boy, explain what making a threat means, legally, and tell him that I'm cutting him out of my life till he gets a ft job and his own place. It's always he said/he said with those two tho. What fun! Thank God I'm not pmsing!

I shared about the job thing at a meeting last night. All I can do tho is pray on it and leave it for God to take care of. Just like the ticket, just like the car inspection. Just like probs with my kids. I have no control. Life is so much easier when I just remember that.

Taking a meeting to a womans rehab tonite. Should be fun to look in that mirror of suffering to remind me of how far I've come. Thank God!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What to do...

Yeesh! When I chose to trade in my high-stress job as scheduler (mon to fri, 8a to 5p) for the less stressful job as garden head cashier, it was for the perk of thu-sun, 8a to 7p (4-10hr days). Since we were over hours, store wise, there was a sign over the time clock asking for any full timers to cut to 32 hrs. I offered.

Well, a month later, they wanna reneg on the 4-10 hr days to full flex (any shift, from 5:45 am to 10:30 pm, mon to sun). They act like they did me a favor by letting me go to 32 hrs. So, there goes my meetings and commitments. I know, with me, no meetings = no sobriety. If I want a set schedule, they offered for me to go part time, which means they can schedule me only 6 hrs a week. Hmmm... right. We're gonna talk about it when I get to work on Thurs. Something to look foward to, huh?

Adding to that is my resentment towards a "friend" in the rooms who chewed me out last Saturday at a meeting cos I called her to see how another friend was seen in a bar the night before by my sponsor and she accused me of gossiping. I said "No, it wasn't gossiping. It was concern." Well, it turns out it was her in the bar. She shared about it at that meeting, which I missed cos, heart pounding, I said "Fuck this!" and walked out. (this was before the meeting/no one else was there) So, I get home and that "friend" was nice enough to text me that if I needed a meeting, I could come back! Argh!

Anyway, that, plus I had to go to court today for a speeding ticket (I really have to stop drinking so much coffee!), having to take my car in for an inspection tomorrow (which I don't think it will pass and I can't afford to have it fixed) and the job thing... well... I'm stressed. But, I called my sponsor, shared it at meetings and will continue to pray on it. I'm sure God has a plan. Which make one of us!

Venting, venting, venting. Give it up... Turn it over... Keep it simple... Buy doughnuts... oh, uh, oops? ahem

Onward and Upward!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

It's been a while...

Well well well... I picked up my 5 month chip tonight!! Yeah me! What a trip it's been. I've not posted in a while cos I really wanted to put my all into my sobriety this time. And I have been, trust me. As opposed to my last tries at getting sober, I have:

1. Gotten a sponsor
2. Am working the steps
3. I go to meetings 7 days a week
4. Gotten some commitments
5. Actually become involved!

I used to suit up and show up (when I couldn't come up with a good enough reason not to). Now I read, share and I actually chaired on Tuesday night! Don't get me wrong, I was sweatin bullets doing it. But I had to do it. Meetings are the one place where I can try something new and, even if I flub it, no one will point at me and laugh.

I also have one very powerful tool to keep me on the straight and narrow. I think things through. When I think of that warm cozy feeling that just two beers would give me, I remember the other ten I'd end up having and the pills I was taking and the heroin I was considering as a viable option right before I quit, because the highs weren't high enough anymore. So, sure, I can very easily have those two beers anytime I want! But, in six months I'd have no job, no place to live, be strung out and living on the streets. Not a viable option.

Now, I can't guarantee that these things are gonna keep me sober forever. But they have so far and for that, I am well and truly thankful. I know that my Higher Power loves me and is helping me along these steps. Alone I couldn't do it.

Thanks for letting me share...