Monday, September 29, 2008

I Got 104 On My TEST!!!

Lordy Lord!!

"Your paper showed much evidence of hard work, great study habits and application of lectures and subject matter. It was absolutely a joy to grade.......Your definition of drug met all the critera for a drug....... I know you understand the definition..... now for the are waiting for..........Score: 100 + 4 Bonus points...= 104 !!! Congratulations... and keep up the good work.. I appreciate your contributions to the class..."

Holy Holy Holy CRAP!!! I did NOT fry every cell in my pretty little head! I am never ever getting to sleep tonite. Unfortunately, every last slacker I know is asleep so I can't gloat.

I'm back. Just woke up my ex who's in NY with the kids. He was happy.

I love me :o)

I'm Back From Taking My First Test In College!

OY!!! Jeepers! I think I did pretty well. I know I didn't do perfectly cos, you guessed it, I screwed up on the definition of Drug. Dammit! And, to add insult to injury? I repeated over and over the definition not 3 minutes later when I sat in my car! But there were 4 extra credit questions at the end so I hope I get somewhere near a 90. Hell, an 80 would please me! Somewhat.

I hate to pick on the kids in the class but... One girl asked "If we don't do well, can we retake it?" You have go to be freakin kidding me! Yeah, lets just retake the damn test all semester until you get it right, k? sheesh

Anyway, one down, two more to go (mid-Oct). I'm immersing myself in writing treatment plans from now till then.

I have a killer headache so I'm gonna go hang out with Yanni and Kitaro for the evening. Thank God that's over!


I have my first test tonite and I am procrastinating the light fandango about studying. I got most of it down, but I just can't get the definition of "drug":

Any substance, natural or artificial, that by it's chemical nature alters structure or function in the living organism.

There, I've typed it. Maybe that helped solidify it in my brain??? I can get from Any to nature, but after that? Nothing! When I was a kid, I went for classes to make my communion. I couldn't remember one line in the Act Of Contrition so, therefore, no communion for me. Bastards! Even at a young age, I wasn't gonna admit being contrite. hmmm...

Sooo, in my procrastinating state, I'm reading your blogs. Feel nekked now? hahaha Anyway, there are some joggers out there that are making me feel guilty for smoking over 2 packs a day. You know who you are. So, here's the deal. I've turned in my paperwork to take a vacation at the end of October/beginning of November (my favorite time of year). I'm gonna quit smoking (and try to avoid killing anyone in the process, hence the vaca). And, after I quit, I'm gonna take up jogging (which is funny cos I have the absolute worst! ankles for running. Step, step, giveout, fall) and then I'm gonna run in your races and beat yo asses! (read: be taken away in an ambulance with a heart attack). So watch out! I'm thinking about maybe trying to maybe run here. Feel threatened! Stop laughing at me! I'm serious as that previously mentioned heart attack!

So, now you see why I'm up to date on all my writing assignments in school. I can drop out 250 words on absolutely nothing, can't I?

mmphwahtyumph... I have to go study. waaaaa mebbe i'll eat again... grrrr... gonna fail test... chocolate... ok, that was 309 words. bye (someone save me)

Friday, September 26, 2008

The World and The Debate

The world is going to hell in a handbasket! You know why? Cos CNN tells you so. They say it and it happens. Them and all the other news outlets. They say "There's no gas!" and then there's a run on gas at my local 7-Eleven. What the hell! It's gonna rain tomorrow! Where does everyone need to go so badly?? Drugs are illegal yet fear mongering isn't. Hmph!

I know, I know, I'm making lite of the state of things like the economy and such, but I can cos I'm not pre-panicked by the news. I don't watch tv and I don't read newspapers. I read 4 paragraphs on the state of things online on my way to perez hilton and that's more informed than I like to be. I've had news induced panic attacks before and I'm not letting it happen again anytime soon. But...

I did watch the debate online tonite cos I, too, wish to make an informed vote come November. I'm not gonna give an opinion, tho, cos, should anyone ever think to read this, I don't wanna have my own little debate. Everyone's entitled to an opinion. It was good internet, I will say that. Not watching tv and all, I've never seen either men speak.

Other than that stuff, I'm still livin the dream here. In a 'getting broker by the second' kinda way, but still enjoying the heck out of each and every day. I wanna give being back in school a huge wet sloppy kiss cos it still rocks the socks outta uh... not being in school? :o)

I have my first test on Monday :o(

I'm grateful for:

1. Internet tv

2. The fresh baked bread I'm taking out of the oven in 10 min.

3. The vat of yummy vegetable soup I just made that I'm gonna dunk that bread in.

4. The fact that I'm not obsessed with my great cooking skills (I'm off to hell on that lie alone)

5. Meetings, where I always hear something I need to hear. And that there's usually a newbie that I can try to help.

6. And, thank God! Another day sober. Whatta miracle!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Has it been 10 days already??

I no sooner uttered a promise to myself that I was gonna hit this thing daily that I stopped. Boy, but this school/work combo is kicking my old patootie! Wonder if I can stop working... hmmm... I guess as soon as I get over this habit I have of eating and sleeping on soft cushy things. And, well, there is smoking. I'd give up sleeping on soft cushy things before I give that up.

So's I don't forget my excitement of today, I'll scribble it down now. You're welcome. :o)

I got my internship set up for next semester. I'm so excited! I didn't even call for an interview anywhere other than this place, cos this is where I had my heart set on doing it. It's called The Healing Place and it's over in Richmond. It's a treatment center for men. Here's the link to a short video about the place that's on their website:

I got to sit in on their community meeting this morning where they come clean about things they did wrong to the group. Things like "I fell asleep on the job" or "I didn't get my writing assignment done" or "I got angry at so and so" etc. It was great. They had openings for various positions where they voted (very democratically) on certain candidates and such. Sat in on classes, took a very long tour and then had lunch with my new buddy Richard (he's one of the teachers in the video). They all love that I'm in recovery and treated me like a little sister when they found out that I only have 7 months clean and sober. :o) They want me to come back before my internship starts in January. I'm gonna try working it out so I can help out on Wednesdays. Between that and school, I'll only have time to work fri-sun. Can you say "starving student"? I know I can! Well, there ya go. That's my life in a nut shell. Full time school, meetings, barely working. Fun huh? Better than full time working/full time drinking! I'm less tired now than I was back then.

And, while I'm thankful I got my 5 page paper done for English Comp, reliving 9/11 and how it affected me sucked worse than I thought it would. Hopefully I'll get to tuck that nightmare back into the deep dark recesses for another 7 months. I'm done with reliving that shit for now.

On that happy note, I swear I'll be back again soon.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Yippee! I'm Off!

God, how I love Sundays! I'm off till Thurs night (with school in between). I got my reading done for class on Tues (don't you just hate those cashiers that don't pay attention to you when they're ringing you up? Yeah, well I'm one of those cashiers. mwahahaha Some day I'm gonna blog about what 8 hours of "sign please, hit accept" is like. It's not pretty. Anyway...).

Just finished watching HBO's Black Tar Heroin again. Great documentary (for someone who doesn't have a family member/friend on heroin, that is). Should be required watching for every child. Drugs, obviously, are far too glamorized to kids. They need to see what heroin (and other drugs) really do for you.

Gratitude List:

1. My family - I'm sorry I missed the family get-together in NY today. I don't get home often anymore.

2. Friends in AA - My true friends. Sometimes, when the going gets bumpy, just staying sober cos I'd miss them too much if I didn't is enough to get me over the hump.

3. School - It's great to think that maybe, one day, I just might be able to put the crap I did to good use, to help someone. It makes it not seem like such a huge ugly waste of time (my using, that is).

4. My job - While I do dislike it at times, I do get to sit outside in the beautiful weather and do homework or watch butterflies and bees do what they do so well. Can't hate that!

5. My HP - Without Whom, I would be trudging rather than sauntering thru much better days. If I'd only known it could be like this! (I know, if I'd only known before, I'd still have been a mess cos it wasn't my time yet. I had to do that then to get this now.)

So, on that happy note, I must end this procrastination. I must get some more soda in me and study study study! Hot DAMN, I do soooo love studying! (somewhere in the world, a child heard that and fell off it's chair. hehehe)

Saturday, September 6, 2008

I Am Thankful

My ex wanted to take me out to lunch today. Embracing my poor student status, I said yes. Went to lunch, then he said to sit in his car with him, he had to tell me something. Ut oh!

Seems "the boy" has to go to court on Tuesday for misdemeanor trespassing. This happened two weeks ago, I think he said. Which means I've been riding with the boy for two weeks back and forth to school and he never said anything. Seems he was too afraid of my reaction to tell me. Wise of him. Now I understand why he's been sick for the last week.

Now, six months ago I would have freaked!! Not today tho. I'm actually happy about it. Maybe this is what he needs to set him on the straight and narrow. Ex said the cops thought he was on something cos he was shaking so bad. Good! I'm not sure if I'm gonna miss class to go to court. I told the boy to never make me have to go to court for him cos it devastated me when I had to go for his brother 4 yrs ago (long story, but that scared my eldest onto the straight and narrow, except for the driving under the influence that he does).

I called the boy and asked how he was feeling. He said still kinda sick. I said what about the nervous breakdown he was having. He said "what??" I asked if he had nice clothes to wear for court. He said yeah. I told him "you know, I do love you" he said "I know" and I said "I am gonna kick your ass". He said "I know".

My mother used to say "You're only as happy as your most miserable child" (I think Erma Bombeck said it first). That's not true, tho, I am happier than my most miserable child cos, I know now, I have no control over this. God does and that's not me. I'll be concerned, but not freaking out (hopefully). But I didn't teach him to do something stupid like this. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Gratitude List:

1. Sobriety - I can show up for court and not be hungover or crazy emotional.

2. Serenity - I don't have to fall apart over this. And then try to drink it away.

3. I have AA in my life - I'll share about this tonite and hopefully someone newer to AA than I will see that you CAN handle life clean and sober.

4. Most importantly, I have a God of my understanding watching over me and my boys. Which is handy, trust me. :o)

Oh, and, Hannah was a letdown. The rain and the wind were ok tho. I got to sit at the register in Outside Garden in the rain and do my reading for school. That was very peaceful!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Don't Ask If The Junkey Want's To Be Fed!

I'm deleting this ridiculous diatribe because I was cranky when I wrote it, which is no excuse for such childishness on my part. I want this blog 'o mine to be about how I'm growing in sobriety and AA. Not as a place to stamp my feet and cry "Mommy! I Want! Waaaaa!" I'm keeping the title to remind myself of what I wrote, tho. :o)

Gratitude List:

1. Thank GOD for meetings where I can share this crap at. And for the helpful sharing from friends in the rooms.

2. Thank GOD people called out last night at work, which meant I couldn't leave early. I'm not sure I'd be writing this sober if I had gone home early. After hitting the store, that is.

3. Thank GOD I'm sober today. thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Gonna go bang my head against the wall for a while, then do some homework.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Dontcha Just Love The Dentist

"You're not supposed to think about dating until you get your teeth fixed first."

There is no way I'd throw away the peaceful tranquility here in my sanctum sanctuorum for anyone. I have no need to be needed, nor do I wish to need another right now. And, have I mentioned I'm going to school full time? But, with all the substance abuse, soda and smoking I've done, my teeth needed a minor overhaul. So, off to the one chair that is, to me, comparable to the electric one I also try to avoid. Made much the better by the lack of nitrous oxide (sweet air) or the post-work script of vicodin. Damn my honesty! :shakes fist at honesty:

Three hours later, not so bad! My lower jaw is numb to the gills and surely I feel like a drool factory (a vision for you). How people stuff that smokeless tobacco crap into their lower lips is way beyond me. Anyway, one jaw down, one to go.

She was actually surprised at the good shape my teeth are in, considering. I was an anal addict/alcoholic for sure. I ate good and brushed often. I had to keep this body as healthy as I could, you see. I didn't have time for too many hospital visits. Ah, the mind is a weird and wonderful thing, yes? hahaha End the run and get help? Hell no! Keep the body moderately healthy so I can continue to use? Absolutely!

Anyway, there's Advil to eat and homework to do.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

So Glad To Be Back At School

Have I mentioned how much I love school today? Except, I did this work for my Substance Abuse Councilling class and forgot it at home on my coffee table! Gah!

My Monday morning meeting was packed to the rafters yesterday. Which was great, of course. The topic was "what would you say to a newcomer and what would you say to someone who has as much time as you do". I said "Just remember what brought you here. Never forget it. Whenever you think of that nice warm, cozy feeling from a couple of drinks or a couple of lines/hits, remember how they left you before you crawled into these rooms." I know that's what keeps me clean and sober and in the rooms.

We had a cookout at the store yesterday. My colon was kind enough to remind me as to why we don't eat burgers, hot dogs or sausages with any regularity. It'll be fruit, veggies and quinoa or brown rice for the next week. I'm trying to embrace my inner colon here. No more dead animals (or animal parts that make up what I ate) for a while.

Til next time...